Honoring Our Parents

By Rev. Dr. Brett Snowden

I read that each year in the United States alone, there are at least eight million serious assaults made by children on their parents, not to mention the assaults made by children on teachers, fellow-students and siblings. This represents a disregard for authority. This type of disrespect breaks down the societal structure and family structure.

Researchers tell us that our first lessons in relationship building come from our relationships with our parents. If I learn to honor my parents, I can honor my spouse. If I learn to be a respectful child, I’ll be a respectful parent. If I can submit to the authority of my parents, I can submit to the authority of an employer or the laws of the land. The relationship between child and parent then is pivotal in the development of a well-ordered society.

The Fifth Commandment states, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12 NIV) Paul gives a little more insight to this commandment. Paul writes, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’-- which is the first commandment with a promise—‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:1-4 NIV) We must remember that our personal welfare is at stake in honoring parents. If we fail to adhere to this command, we will rear children who dishonor us.

The word “honor” comes from the Hebrew kabod, a root that literally means “to be heavy, weighty.” The figurative meaning, however, is far more common: "to give weight to someone." To honor someone, then, is to give weight or to grant a person a position of respect and even authority in one's life. The command to honor one’s father and mother extends through all of one’s life. The promise not only envisions a chronological benefit but points to the blessings enjoyed by the society that itself lives in harmony with God’s ordering of human relationships.

For our society, the neglect of this command is costly. I believe this neglect has contributed to the family breakdown that is ravaging our society. Influenced by the culture around us, we tend to idolize the beauty of youth rather than to respect the wisdom of the elderly. At a time when we need to pass on healthy values to the younger generation, we have ignored the wisdom of the aged as a valuable resource. At a time when our society values speed and production, it is easy to look down on the elderly, especially those with mental and physical handicaps.

The command also involves parents who are responsible for teaching their children the Word of God. If children are going to listen to their parents and learn to love God’s Word, they must first respect and honor their teachers—their fathers and mothers. If children do not honor their parents, if they are rebellious and self-centered, they will be unable to learn about the covenant relationship with God.

We honor our parents most when we obey and honor God in our lives. The highest goal of parents is to raise the child God has entrusted to them in such a way as to encourage and promote trust in God and obedience to His Word. Whenever a child trusts in God and obeys His Word, he honors his parents. Even an unbelieving parent is honored by a believing and obedient child.

Honoring parents takes different forms for different people, and in different circumstances. The young child will honor his parents as he obeys them (e.g. Proverbs, Ephesians 6:1-3). The older child will honor his parents as he (or she) is obedient to God. The child whose parents are dependent upon him will honor his parents by providing for them (Matthew 15:1-9; Mark 7:1-13; 1 Timothy 5:3, 8).

Honoring our parents is more than an obligation. It's also a privilege. Missed opportunities to show love and honor may bring deep regret years later. The command is simple: "Honor your father and your mother." And God always rewards obedience. The gratefulness that we should feel for this gift of life should inspire us to give back to our parents.