I LOVED THE DRUGS!

FROM ADDICTION TO REDEMPTION III

By Frederick A. Hurst

Zique Johnson, a happily married, mild mannered, proud father of two, refuses to make excuses for the drug habit that dominated his life for six years. After years as a dedicated family man and dependable provider, he found himself in his old Springfield stomping grounds, with time on his hands, and in the company of old friends, who were snorting cocaine. In an unguarded moment, Zique very casually snorted his first line of coke and was immediately hooked.

The first time he snorted coke the person who gave it to him looked at Zique’s eyes and said, “You’re going to have problems because you really liked it.” And, in fact, it was not despair nor hard times nor any depressing event in his life that drove Zique to drugs. “It (the high) was such a good feeling. I loved the drugs and that is why I got hooked. That’s what got me hooked. Even though I hated the lifestyle, I loved the drugs,” Zique explained.

And Zique had every reason to hate the lifestyle. Until he turned to drugs, he had lived a good life. He was raised by his church-going mother on Quincy Street in the Mason Square neighborhood and attended Armory Elementary, Forest Park Junior High and Technical (“Tech”) High Schools. In keeping with a promise he made to his mother – who he realized was experiencing enough problems with his older brother – Zique stayed out of trouble and performed well in school. He loved math and science and graduated from Tech with honors and went on to attend the University of Massachusetts for 2-½ years where he majored in engineering.

If Zique was an outstanding student, he was an even better football player. He had always been soft-spoken and even-tempered, which, when combined with his scholarly ways, made his fellow students suspect him of being a nerd but they knew not to challenge him. He started out playing defensive back for the Hill Jets under the watchful eye of coach Ernest Smith. He later played quarterback and defensive back for Forest Park and defensive back for Tech and he was fearless.

Zique’s teammates called him “Tatum” after the Pittsburg Steelers’ defensive back, Jack Tatum. Tatum was famous for his vicious hits on the opposition, the most damaging of which was the hit that paralyzed the New England Patriot’s receiver, Darryl Stingley as he over-extended himself while reaching for a high pass. But the nickname his peers and opponents alike used to describe Zique’s dual personality was “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” and the opposing running backs and receivers were advised by their coaches to avoid the deceptively mild-mannered defender’s side of the field at all cost.

Zique met his future wife, Deloris Bruce, while working at the old Springfield Municipal Hospital. She wanted to move to California so Zique dropped out of UMASS in the middle of his third year to travel with her. Finding work in California’s high technology environment was easy for Zique, who first worked for a year as an assembler with a computer company and then in field service at two other computer companies for six years each. Zique and Deloris settled in Santa Anna close to Disneyland and eventually married and had two kids, who were delighted to be able to enjoy the daily Disneyland fireworks displays from their back yard.

Life was going well in California when, some thirteen years later, Zique and his wife got lonely for folks back home and decided to return to Springfield. From an economic point of view the decision was easy to make. A friend at his computer job in California referred Zique to Digital Equipment Corporation in Westfield where he was hired immediately. The family made what appeared to be an orderly transition from California but the appearance proved to be a deception.

Within a year of the family’s return to Springfield, Zique’s mother retired and moved to Mississippi. But that was hardly the worst news. Within a month of being hired by Digital, the company had a major layoff, from which it never recovered and Zique was out of a job in a city with no equivalent computer employer within miles.

The twin setbacks disappointed Zique but he was not overly concerned. He still had his wife and two kids and the extended Bruce family and he was smart, educated and multi-talented and had every reason to believe that he would eventually find meaningful work. And his optimism would most likely have been on target if the extra time from unemployment had not led him to a tragic encounter with old friends and new drugs.

In the early 60’s drug addicts in the Black community in Springfield could be counted on one hand. Everybody knew who they were and avoided them. But, by the end of the 60’s marijuana began to stake its claim and by the mid 70’s, at minimum, it matched alcohol in popularity. As the more daring sought a higher high, heroin crept in and sent many young people on the path to self destruction but, because heroin was expensive and retained its old stigma, its use was not widespread. But, powdered cocaine was different. Unlike heroin, it quickly became the drug of choice for the elite but by the mid 80’s it had become widely popular and soon morphed into the cheaper crack cocaine, which was embraced by the masses and tore through the Black community like the plague. It was cheap, readily available and could be conveniently smoked rather than snorted or injected.

Unable to find a full-time job, Zique accepted temporary work whenever it was available. Unfortunately, it was often not available and he found himself with time on his hands, which he spent with old friends, who, as he said, “were hooked on the new drugs.” They were snorting coke and smoking crack cocaine and encouraged Zique to do the same. And one day, for no particular reason other than the fact that he had idle time on his hands, Zique succumbed and snorted a friend’s cocaine and he was instantly hooked.

The effects of drugs on his life were dramatic. Zique’s eight hour a day work ethic went out the window. A steady job was out of the question. His crack habit absorbed all of his time and money. He was essentially married to drugs and loved it for six years and even the painful reminder of the family he eventually left behind couldn’t pull him away from his addiction.

Zique’s background had given his family no hint that he would abandon them for drugs. His wife, Deloris Bruce, had always been a devoted partner but she couldn’t abide by his addiction. “Addiction turned him into somebody I didn’t know,” she said. And she responded with tough love while leaving him with a glimmer of hope. As she so poetically expressed to me, “I kicked his a__ out but I waited for him.”

But it was the effect of his addiction on his kids that always bothered Zique the most. They once respected him and regularly expressed it in that awesome manner that only kids can. But as time went on, Zique took on the withered appearance of an addict. He was uncouth and unclean and he was ever conscious of the impression his declining appearance was having on his kids. Now, they greeted him with strange looks and responded to his hollow promises with disdain. “The looks from the kids lingered on my mind,” he said, “and the sarcastic yea, daddy that they gave to anything I said hurt so bad.”

Despite his addiction, Zique missed the old family relationships and it was the longing for them that planted the seed of rehabilitation in his muddled mind.

If anything good can be said about his new lifestyle, it is that Zique worked to pay for his drugs. He didn’t “scam” for drugs. Always good with his hands, he did handy work for drug money. And he didn’t mind being exploited. He readily accepted a six pack of beer, a pack of cigarettes and $20.00 for a job that, under normal circumstances, would have paid $200.00. He would earn enough to buy a supply of crack and roam the streets of the city smoking as he walked. Sometimes he lit up right on the streets and other times he would duck into an abandoned building, always alone but comfortable with his beloved drugs.

The first time he tried to quit, he lasted for one month in a three-month rehabilitation program and hit the streets again for two more years of intense addiction. But the second time was different. He was getting high at a friend’s house. The friend’s brother came by and saw Zique and gave him his telephone number and said, “If you ever need me, call me.” The brother knew Zique from the past and was shocked to see him strung out on drugs.

The brother came by the same friend’s house another time while Zique was there getting high. Zique had just returned from a haunting visit with his kids and every time he inhaled his dope he saw their sarcastic faces staring at him. Zique went into the kitchen with the brother and they discussed a detoxification and rehabilitation program that the brother had gone through and Zique was convinced to try it.

Zique wasted no time. The brother offered him a ride to the detox center and he accepted on the spot. Believing Zique, who was known for buying the best dope, was going for a re-supply, his friend and another person piled into the car with him. They followed him into the Holyoke detoxification center and didn’t catch on to what was going on until the nurse came out to take Zique inside. Zique looked at his friend, waved impishly and said, “See you,” and was off on his second attempt to conquer his addiction.

Zique was detoxed and sent to the Salvation Army, where he enrolled in their three month work therapy program. He was unhappy with his first week’s paycheck of $5.00 since, when they told him he was going to make $5.00, he thought they meant $5.00 an hour. But he adjusted to the meager pay and he actually performed very well for the full three months of the program and he almost graduated.

But, Zique “had a problem with dates.” Having remained drug free up to the day before graduation, Zique felt an uncontrollable compulsion to celebrate. So, the night before graduation he went out and celebrated with a little crack cocaine. On graduation day he tested positive for drugs and was kicked out of the program.

Zique attributes his failure to “the insanity of the drug.” The Salvation Army program involves regular drug testing and the machines for the tests are on site. He knew that he would be tested that next day but he took drugs anyway. And the only explanation he can offer for why he would have scuttled an otherwise successful three months with a predictably disastrous divergence from a perfectly good program is what he calls “the insanity of the drug.” However unreasonable it may have been, celebrating his successful rehabilitation with a hit of crack cocaine seemed like the right thing to do.

But the program had nurtured the seeds of change in Zique’s mind. He had tasted recovery and liked it and longed to return. After a month and a half, while at the same friend’s house waiting for more drugs to arrive, a voice in Zique’s mind said, “Now is the time.” Zique went into the bathroom, washed his face, combed his hair and returned to the room and told his friend he was going to a meeting. The friend looked at him and said prophetically, “Don’t go. I’ll never see you again.”

The friend was right. Zique left for a Salvation Army meeting that was being held that night. The counselors gave him a skeptical look. When the meeting ended they brought him into the office and asked him if he was ready to resume his treatment. He resisted but they broke him down when one of the counselors said, “Now is the time,” the same words that had brought him there. That night became the beginning of the rest of Zique’s life.

Zique left his pride behind. He read the Bible to help get over his shame and accepted that God needed to break him down to get his attention. He worked at odd jobs at the Salvation Army until one day a Captain asked him if he could fix something and Zique fixed it. More requests followed and Zique performed every time until eventually he became the supervisor of maintenance for all of the stores in the area, a position that he holds to this day. He became a Salvation Army Soldier and on Sundays he dresses in full uniform to serve as a praise and worship leader for other recovering addicts.

And Zique has reunited with his family. Once he enrolled in the Salvation Army, he visited them regularly. He understood that they couldn’t be expected to take him back right away, but eventually they started believing in him again. And he is now back and the family is doing well as they settle in their own home. His daughter graduated from UMASS with a Master’s Degree in forensics and is working at the Ludlow Jail as Forensic Director. His son is graduating from UMASS this year and is employed as a cameraman at Channel 40. And his wife is happy. And she freely expresses it. “I got a good man, Rick. I got a good man,” she said. “He realized he had a family. It was worth the wait.”

Miguel King (POV, February 2006, Miguel King’s Journey: From Addiction to Redemption) and Lonnie Bowens enrolled in the Salvation Army program before Zique was kicked out. They were present when he returned and they all joined the Salvation Army Choir. But their desire to sing gospel led to the formation of a separate singing group, which they named “Second Chance.” Eventually, John Wilson (POV, March, 2006, From Addiction to Redemption II: Why Should I?”) joined the group and Miguel King left. All of the three remaining members continue to sing gospel and testify to church groups and other groups all over the area and they have recorded their songs. All four have dedicated their lives to helping others overcome their addictions and other problems.

Whenever someone asks Zique how he beat his addiction and reunited with his family, he says the same thing, “I didn’t do it. God did. I made it the third time because I decided to let God have his way with me. And now I’m enjoying getting back to being a normal person, living life with all the struggles, all the bills…I didn’t do it. God did it.” n