MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

By Marjorie J. Hurst

Anyway you look at it, New Year’s resolutions are negative. It doesn't matter how you frame them, they are negative. Whether we use positive language, such as, I am going to be a better listener in 2006 -- or negative language, like, I need to listen more to others in 2006 -- we are essentially saying that something is wrong with us the way we are!

And that may be true, but should we really care? Generally, whatever is wrong about us is not something that we think is wrong but someone else’s judgment about us. For example, if your resolution is to be a better listener, people probably tell you that you don’t listen to what is being said. If your resolution is to be on time (one of my all-time favorites), then you’ve probably been chastised by others for being late.

Any way you look at it, we are responding to someone else’s opinion of how we should look, act or be. Yeah, I know that some of you reading this article are going to say that you are not responding to someone else’s opinion but to your own opinion. Well, that’s just a lot of baloney. Many of us have simply internalized others' criticism and made it our own. For example, I feel I need be on time because I’m tired of what I imagine people say about me when I’m late. If we were not responding to a parent, friend, sibling, boss or society’s view of us, we would simply respond the way my dog does when I criticize him for leaving his toys all over the floor, he looks at me, wags his tail and goes on about his business.

Even taken to its most positive extreme, for example when we are told by the doctor that we need to eat better, lose weight and exercise more if we want to live longer, and we turn those admonitions into our New Year’s resolutions, we still decide that there is something wrong with us the way we are. We could decide that we are okay with being overweight, having high blood pressure and diabetes and not being able to walk around the mall without getting tired. After all, we have to die sometime from something, don’t we? Sure we do, so why change our behavior just because someone else thinks we should be healthier?

Well, there is always the possibility that we just might be happier with ourselves if we do act on that self-criticism or that unwanted opinion that someone else gives us. Goodness only knows that being on time would save me an awful lot of stress if I could just bring myself to head to the main post office, where the last mail pick-up is 7:00 p.m., at 6:30 p.m. instead of 6:45 p.m. I wouldn’t have to always worry about the slow drivers in front of me or getting stopped by red lights or having to speed down Boston Road and I wouldn't have to constantly berate myself for not leaving the office just five minutes earlier!

I’d also be happier with 5 to 10 less pounds, more exercise, and getting my POV articles done on time. So that’s why I am writing this article on my Thanksgiving vacation in Charleston, SC. Hey, I’m going into the new year with one of my four resolutions--being on time, losing weight, exercising more, and not waiting until the last minute to write my articles- - being accomplished. That’s already progress for 2006 as far as I am concerned. And if I inevitably slip back into my old habits, maybe I’ll just wag my tail and go on about my business. n