Dear Queen Tiye:

I have really been struggling with a dilemma in my relationship and need some helpful feedback.  My boyfriend feels that I should not have male friends. I don't necessarily mind whom he is friends with and, ironically, he feels that it’s okay for him to have female friends.  I mean, come on now, people can be friends with the opposite sex and there not be an ulterior motive.  How do I handle this situation with him and be able to keep my relationship and my male friends?

Feedback please,

Platonic Friend & Girlfriend

Dear Platonic Friend/Girlfriend: 

I have a lot of different feelings about your situation.  First and foremost, you and your boyfriend should be able to be friends with individuals of the opposite sex under any circumstance, especially if you TRUST one another.  Each of you had separate lives before you came together and just because you engage in a relationship doesn't mean you have to leave the life that you once lived behind.  Are there some adjustment and changes that take place? Well, of course.  But it’s important to remember that “who you were” and “what you were doing” and “who you surrounded yourself with” ultimately contributed to who you were at the time the two of you met, and, essentially, these are the things that mostly likely attracted him to you.

If either of you are talking about being friends with people that you had more than a friendship with and the other one is intimidated or insecure about the idea of such a friendship, then one needs to ask him/herself what he/she wants and what is more important. Do you want to hold on to this “friendship” that at one time consisted of some intimacy or do you want to explore a potential long-term relationship with someone new?

You should be clear and define friendship for one another and what role these “friends” have in your life. It really comes down to TRUST. Both of you should be able to have friends and make these friends your mutual friends. Keep in mind that when one of you starts talking about having friends and your partner doesn’t know about them or cannot be part of the friendship, then you really have a problem.

Queen Tiye

(POV assumes no responsibility for the answers provided to our readers’ questions by Queen Tiye.)