Dear Queen Tiye:
I find myself in quite a dilemma. While my
19-year-old daughter was home visiting from college,
I inadvertently found out that she has piercings and
tattoos on parts of her body that I prefer not to
mention. I am very upset with her choices because it
appears as though she does not see the long-term
effects of such actions and feels she can do what
she likes since she is an “adult.”
I know that my husband will be more upset than I am
about our daughter’s decisions. My daughter is not
willing to tell her father. I am fearful that when
my husband does find out, he will be upset with me
for not sharing such information. As much as I would
like to tell my husband, I feel it is my daughter’s
responsibility to tell her father, and, after all,
she is an adult.
Sincerely,
“What to do?”
Dear “What
to do?”
I sympathize with your current predicament and
understand how difficult it must be to feel as
though you are caught in the middle. However, your
daughter is an adult and has the right to share or
not share such information with her father. On the
other hand, I don’t think there is anything wrong
with you telling your husband and you should be
clear with your daughter that you plan on informing
him since she is not. If you don’t, there is a
strong possibility that this situation could
“snowball” into unnecessary conflict for the family
as a whole.
If you decide to tell your husband, be sure that you
both discuss how the two of you as a unit can
address your daughter and her decisions. If you
don’t tell him, be prepared to explain why you chose
not to because he will find out eventually.